Dear Alexandre

What's with the funky spelling, man? And that cape? Nobody wears capes anymore, not even bad-ass vampires like yourself. Sir. And the harem will have to go. Yes, 'really'. It's just plain stupid.

And pull your fangs back in your mouth. You look like an idiot.

You and Maribel can kiss my ass, both o' ya,
-WL

Dear Maribel

WHAT is your problem??!?? Noboby ever even HEARD of 'The Vamp' before you trotted off to Boston to offer him 'The Talisman'. That's a stupid idea. Quit it.

I know you're only trying to save your own life, but as I've already explained - and apologized for - nothing's going to do that. You die at the end. Get over it.

And if you don't explain what the damn 'Talisman' is, I'm axing that whole bit and you can just get yourself sucked dry in Portsmouth or Montreal like I originally planned.

Oy,
-WL

Dear Maribel

I'm sorry, but you have to die at the end.

It's nothing personal, it's just part of the plan, see? 'Cuz if I don't kill you, then Emilio and Callista can't become full-fledged vampires by drinking your blood. And they're such nice kids. They deserve more than a cold eternity of being un-dead.

And besides, you're a bitch.

(And it's your own damn fault you got pregnant - you shouldn't have been where you were when the moon came out from behind that cloud and you know it). Sorry. That's just the way it is.

Best of luck to you in your next life,
-WL

Dear Callista

You have a fabulous, fabulous name. And that's it.

If you don't get a personality - really soon, 'cuz we're comin' down to the wire here - you're getting axed and Emilio can dig somebody else up out of her grave to pal around with.

I mean it, girlfriend. If you don't help me out with this bio and come up with some decent pet peeves, likes and dislikes, you're done. And fess up with your biggest fear already - the real one ('being vulnerable' ??? what the F--- is that even supposed to mean??!?).

And don't give me that 'I've only been un-dead for a week' crap. I ain't buyin' it.

Gettin' pissy,
-WL