Dear Eydis,

Just… hang on and stop freaking out. She’s not really going to kill you… OK, she might hack you up pretty bad, but you’ll live. I hope.

Seen Dorothy anywhere?
-WL

.

Dear Dorothy,

How dare you blow my mind like that and then disappear?

Muses these days,
-WL

p.s. Gah!

.

Dear Dorothy,

Where were you this morning? I know it was early and still pitch black outside and everything, but how is that different from any other weekday?

Anyways.

We have a kick-ass beginning. The ending is... there, but there is this issue with the middle, which .... isn't.

OK, yes, fine - there is a spattering of scenes. They need to connect to each other. Preferably in a slightly logical manner.

Awaiting your input (with chocolates!),
-WL

p.s. - Please poke Mystery Girl and remind her that she only has until Wednesday to fess up to her name. After that she gets to be Mystery Girl for all of November and all the other characters are going to laugh at her.

p.p.s. - Please make her understand that I am quite serious about that.

Dear Dorothy,

Jiminy freakin' Christmas! Must you hit me upside the head with brilliant solutions to plot holes as I'm getting into bed??? That is not an opportune time. Not at all. You're just lucky I keep my PDA by my bed and still had the presence of mind to jot down some notes on that one, otherwise you'd have to reconstruct the whole bloody thing all over again.

Sheesh,
-WL

p.s. Oh, and thanks.

.

Dear Mystery Girl,

It appears the letter I wrote you last week was lost in the mail. My apologies as this seems to have created a great deal of needless confusion as regards your role in the story.

Be reassured – Dorothy, our beloved muse, paid me a visit during my commute this morning and everything has been cleared up. Unknowingly harboring an assassin in your brain makes you very interesting indeed, and you are in absolutely no danger whatsoever.

Well, no danger of being cut from the story.

Your own personal danger is, I’m afraid, another issue entirely and vastly greater that it was when you were boring.

Sorry ‘bout that,
-WL

.

Dear Davidson Harald Nixon,

It appears that, due to NaNoWriMo's recent server issues, you did not receive the letter I wrote the other day regarding the status of your story. (I assume this is why you have reappeared in my head.) Therefore, I am sending this replacement letter. I cannot remember the exact text of my previous letter, so I shall paraphrase:

You're hot. Dr. Sparrow is hot. You might get to be real hot together, if you can manage to mind your manners.

However.

You're not on for NaNo. Sorry. You'll have to keep it zipped up until December.

Them's the breaks, darlin',
-WL

p.s. You really do have a killer name. And it got even better when you decided to spell your middle name like that, 'cuz it just might tie into the whole Imbue thing and THAT, my man, makes. Mama. Happy.

.

Dear Colin:

You are not helping.

Shut up.

No really, we're not going there, 'cuz this isn't your story, it's Nathan's.

Maybe later. IF you behave.

-WL

Dear Nathan:

I'm sorry about having to change your name, but Jack won't let me change his and having your old name and Jack's start with the same letter was too confusing in that first scene.

OK, OK, - in truth, Jack scares the shit out of me and I don't dare change his. You seem like a nice kid.

Please don't shoot me for this.

Thanks,

-Writer Lady

Dear "Maggie":

You've got to be kidding. What the hell kind of name is that? Fine for a minor character. Not fine for an Abbess. At all.

I mean, seriously: "Abbess Maggie"?? Come off it already.

Doubting it,
-WL

Dear Luci,

This "Maggie" thing is your fault. I just know it.

Disgusted,
-WL

Dear Luci

We are on page 5. Your hijacking of the plot this early on is worrisome. Please desist.

Now. Get your shit together and do your damn job.

yours,
-Writer Lady

Dear Callista

We are months away from my last letter to you and yet no closer to a resolution on your purpose in the 'Pie'. This does not bode well for you, darlin'.

Your only function in the story seems to be to introduce the reader to the world of the undead, which frankly m'dear, Leo does a much better job of.

So.

Much as I love your name and that scene in the bathroom at the bar and Leo digging you up and all that.... I just don't see as how we can keep you.

Oh, right: Sorry.

Strangely disappointed,
-Writer Lady

Dear Callista

So. After many hours of thinking, imagining, studying Miss Snark and failing to work you into a hook for Vampire Pie, I have finally figured out what your problem is.

You have no conflict.

"Trying to figure out what's going on" definitely doesn't cut it. No stakes and not interesting anyway.

Certainly, you get yourself into trouble later on, but you need to have something going on right off the bat (er, so to speak), or we are sunk. Well, you are sunk. That is to say, out on yer kiester, toots.

But I like you. So I shall think on it.

Contempletively,
-Writer Lady

Dear Magistrate and Inquisitor

OK, could one or the other of you please let me in on whether the Magistrate actually gets to see anything or not?? It's a wee bit crucial.

I mean, either the Magistrate sees what's in Mette's head in real time and the Inquisitor keeps some things from him, or he doesn't. If he doesn't, it means he's relying on what the Inquisitor tells him, which I have this feeling he wouldn't do.

This has big implications, people! Either the Throne and the Temple are working together, or they're not. Either the Inquisitor is one powerful, bad-ass bitch, or she's nothing but a liar.

Help me out here, boys 'n' girls, or things is gonna git ugly.

Fess up,
-WL

Dear Sigrun, Han woman with Red Sash and Assorted Other Hangers-On,

All y'all are very interesting. None o' y'all are actually in the outline.

Your little side show is tempting, I'll admit. But I am not going off on a wild goose chase that gets Mette stuck at the bottom of some big-ass plot hole without knowing how the bloody hell to get her out of it.

Besides. I want to meet the Magistrate. If you kidnap our girl, I don't see that happening. Instead, why don't you lovely ladies go do something uselful. Help Eirik or something.

'Course that means changing POV. And I said I wasn't gonna do that.

Rats. Rats, rats, rats.

Miffed,
-WL

Dear Sigrun,

Just where are you headed with this conversation, anyway?

I mean, I get it, OK - you and the Inquisitor are NOT the same person. Great. Cool. Freakin' fabulous and all that.

But here's the deal: I am the Bitch In Charge. And if you don't ante up and start letting me in on your actual purpose to the story, this whole dealio is getting highlighted and scheduled for the Executioner in December.

Clear enough for ya, dearie?
-WL

Dear Sigrun,

I don't know what you think you're doing showing up dressed like that and giving Mette ideas, but you can knock it the bloody hell off.

I can kill you. Remember that.

-WL

Dear Mette

Don't.

I'm serious. You take off with my carefully planned plot and head for East Bumfuck -- I will make you suffer.

Don't think I won't.

-WL

Dear Eirik’s Dad

So sorry you don’t have a name and probably aren’t going to get one. You’re really awesome. And I’m really sorry that you get executed. Especially like that. It’s really painful, I’m told.

But hey, on the bright side, you’re going to be a martyr!

Go you!
-WL

p.s. No, your name can’t be Luther. The Vikings didn’t have that name. I checked.

p.p.s. Didn’t I just get through telling you that you don’t get a name??!? Shit.

Dear cute little lamb that just went through the hole in the world

Stop being cute. Stop ‘shaking yourself’ and get on with getting caught by Eirik.

Thank you.
-WL