Dear Meg,

.
Oh, shut UP! Your gramma was NOT from Shadow and your daddy wasn't a halfling, which means you are NOT a quarter Shadow-blood.

I don't CARE if that explains your uncanny ability to break into all known computer systems with the greatest of ease, you smarmy, smug, too-smart-for-your-own-good beeyatch.

No way. Just. No. Way.

End of discussion,
-WL

PS -- And if you EVEN suggest you're related to Izahk in some way again, I promise you, I shall kill you off most painfully.

Dear Warden,

.

YOU DO NOT HAVE A PEG LEG!!!

That's ridiculous. This story takes place in, like, the 27th century or something. THERE ARE NO PEG LEGS. Everyone has bionic limbs if their originals go out. Or something regrown from stem cells or some-such.

So SHUT UP about the peg leg.

Hoping you die at the end, you idiot,

-WL

.

Dear Soren,

.
You're hilarious. You really think you can defeat the Evil Prince. With a fucking cello.

What are you gonna do? Saw the bow across his neck and rosin him to death? Jab him with the endpin and wait around for him to bleed out?

You need a better plan, lover boy.

Be seeing to that, please,

-WL

Dear Lyla,

.
Good job. You came through. You get to live.

Congratulations,
-WL

Dear Lyla,

.
Nice job diverting my attention from your Lack of Stakes by turning your husband into an evil, depraved monster, but I'm still not happy with your sorry ass. You still have No Stakes, girl.

Furthermore, what the hell power do you have over Gregor that you can sail through life in his house unscathed?? It makes no sense; why can't he get to you? And if he can't get to you, why the hell don't you defend his victims?

Confused,
-WL

Dear Queen Bitch of Hell,

I am writing to advise -- very strongly, in fact -- that you avoid fucking with me in the future.

While I lack your Shiny Degrees and Important Title and Position of Power, I nevertheless have my Neferious Ways of making your life Exceedingly Difficult. I am a Grand Mistress of the Passive-Aggressive, you see, and I shall bear no guilt whatsoever at denying you the Simplest of Courtesies at every turn, practising the delighful art of Willful Neglect of any and all Things Important to You, and ensuring, through the Fine Art of the Polite-but-Cold-and-Distant Smile, that you never, ever have even the slightest Cause to Complain about me.

Ever so unfondly yours,
-WL

Dear Lyla of the Shiny New Story Idea I Wasn't Going to Write About,

If you have issues, bitch, you need to fess the fuck up with them, because as things stand, you have No Stakes. Especially when compared with your erstwhile lover, who has fucking Stakes Galore.

Having No Stakes is a one-way ticket to the Shiny New Story Idea Graveyard. Verstehst Du?

I fucking hope so, because other than Having No Stakes, I like you, you good-for-nothing, blond, fangy whore.

Tons of love (not that you deserve it),
-WL

Dear Shiny New Story Idea,

Shut. The. Fuck. UP.

No, seriously -- I'm not even 2 days into plotting for Screnzy. This is NOT a good fucking time. Now, I took notes, because you were so fucking insistent and wouldn't shut the fuck up for 2 seconds today, but that's ALL I'M GONNA DO right now. Gat it, bitch?

Not. Fucking. Impressed.

-WL

Dear Dorothy,

I'm so glad you like Ruby. I like her too. Well, you knew that, didn't you. Of course you did. You're a smart muse.

Anyway, just touching base, since it's been a while since I've lobbed a missive in your direction.

And, yeah, I'm a little nervous about Shadow. Haven't ever written a screenplay. Or actually ever even considered writing a screenplay. So Screnzy should be interesting....

Now about Brin. Why did she really leave Shadow? She keeps feeding me this line of utter bullshit about how she was on some "diplomatic mission". I'm not buyin' it. There's something else going on, because the amount of guilt pouring off her after she returns home and finds her whole fucking family missing isn't adding up.

So. Clues as to the real story would be appreciated.

Love ya, doll,
-WL